"Not that it was beautiful,
but that, in the end, there was
a certain sense of order there;
something worth learning
in that narrow diary of my mind,
in the commonplaces of the asylum
where the cracked mirror
or my own selfish death
outstared me . . .
I tapped my own head;
it was glass, an inverted bowl.
It's a small thing
to rage inside your own bowl.
At first it was private.
Then it was more than myself."
-Anne Sexton
Message for teens: Always be nice to the bald recluses you live with because they might turn out to be the hot rich guy you used to crush on in high school and if you fall in love with him, he’ll totally pay for you to go to Machu Picchu with him. No joke.
Despite an entertaining premise -a youthful contemporary spin on the Beauty and the Beast classic – Beastly is uncomfortably lacking.
With a screenplay too smart for the director (odd, since Daniel Barnz both penned and helmed the film adaptation from Alex Flinn’s novel), Beastly’s often charming dialogue acts like an unexpected house guest in this fluffy, shallow production. The best one-liners and most intelligent references are hurried over by the young cast, who seem ill at ease with the screenplay’s indie stylings. Only stage/screen vet Neil Patrick Harris seems in on the joke and manages to evoke some easy laughter from the primarily pre-teen/parent demographic (also uncomfortable, the adult language was a little thick for its intended audience). Besides the mumbling, mushy delivery from Vanessa Hudgens and (can I say this without laughing) Mary-Kate Olsen, there were some good moments in cast performance. If a little too likable on screen to be truly “beastly,” Alex Pettyfer is certainly easy on the eyes and plays with some real honesty (TheHunger Games casting rumors are a little more interesting).
Besides a tenuously-constructed plot (drug addict dad shoots dealer and is blackmailed into turning teenage daughter over to bald, tattooed rich son of uber-wealthy anchorman who makes him live in a separate apartment because he’s so ugly…okaaaay…), the most disturbing element of Beastly is its strange morality: Goth witch girl has the power to cure blindness and help refugees from other countries but chooses instead to use her powers to punish the snotty, popular boy who hurt her feelings because he doesn’t understand compassion for the weak. Right. Okay. Don’t worry, she cures the blindness and saves the refugee family after the popular boy learns his lesson. Heart-warming. Truly.
Ms. e.lizabeth gives this uneven teen romance a C minus (for NPH’s sake) and a “try harder next time.”
Today, I was inspired by this post by an old friend of mine, Jenni and her blog Story of My Lifeand her sweet guest post over at this blog Simply Sunshine and Daisy's. Be sure to visit both Jenni and Liv and leave a nice note! Jenni’s topic was beautyand she had some helpful tips for readers that had me thinking about my own experiences with beauty. The five things on this list are part of what I would call the lies of a cultural framework, a system that tells us that beauty is what we never are…perfect (Jenni summed this up in her post beautifully!)
So here you are…lies, lies, lies…
1. Beauty is based on the negative. Too fat? Here are some diet plans. Too short? Wear these shoes. Whiten your teeth, erase cellulite, hide wrinkles, minimize pores, eat less, don’t wear that. Culture feeds on our insecurities as women (and it preys on the young).
2. Beauty contradicts itself. Be sexy but don’t sleep around. Be skinny but don’t starve yourself. Be tan but don’t get skin cancer. Be yourself but fake it if you don’t feel confident, successful, smart or beautiful.
3. Beauty is a commodity, up for sale if only we knew where to shop, what to wear, and who to listen to. Magazines, commercials, billboards, movies and television, even mannequins in the mall all deliver the same message, subtly, whispering just under the surface of our feminine consciousness, “You’re not good enough. No matter what you buy, no matter what you do…you will never be enough.” And even though we fight these thoughts in ourselves, tell ourselves that we are beautiful “just the way we are,” and read the pop-psychology article entitled, “Learn to Love Yourself” on p. 54. But we can’t help it when our eyes wander to the ads that sandwich it on either pages. Ads with pictures of impossibly thin, attractive, desirable women leading the lives we wish we led.
4. Beauty is the antithesis of the insecure. The connection we feel as women between our appearance and our confidence is inestimable. But feeling insecure is not wrong. We’re a product of our culture, after all. And if you’ve been told in a hundred ways, by a hundred people, that what you look like determines your right to opinions, feelings, desires, and success, you will probably crack under the weight of it all. You might even do what I did today at the hair salon when the stylist asked me a question. You might shift, embarrassed, apologetic in your chair, hating the fluorescent lighting for making you blotchy and the old sweats for making you look heavy and hating yourself. You can’t even meet her eyes as you mumble, “I just want to look pretty.” But being insecure doesn’t make you ugly. It just makes you human.
5. Beauty is external. This is the biggest lie and it pretty much sums up all the other ones. Beauty is not what you put on your face or in your body or comb through your hair or brush your teeth with. This is the lie we buy into, no matter what we say or feel about “true beauty” and “not judging a book by its cover.” We continue to obsess over ourselves as if squinting in the mirror might make that intangible quality appear. Real beauty comes from looking out at the world, concerning yourself with others. It is an act of selflessness.
"To see beauty is to learn the private language of meaning which is another's life - to recognize and relish what is. Beauty must be defined as what we are, or else the concept itself is our enemy. Why languish in the shadow of a standard we cannot personify, an ideal we cannot live?" –Crimethinc
First of all, we can't call this anywhere near an exhaustive list. These are just thirteen of my favorite movies that feature women in strong, positive roles and/or highlight an issue that particularly impacts women. I've provided my favorite lines and themes from each and a ratings guide for parents and kids.
1. Thelma and Louise
Rated R (sexuality, sexual assault, violence, language)
Best things about it: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, rockin' soundtrack, and a young Brad Pitt.
Themes: Sisterhood, loyalty, friendship, violence against women.
Favorite lines: "You said you 'n' me was gonna get out of town and for once just really let our hair down. Well darlin', look out 'cause my hair is comin' down!"
Best things about it: Angelina Jolie (who steals the movie right out from under Ryder), the 1960's era backdrop, the fact that it's based on a true story.
Themes: Mental illness, career goals, education, social class, eating disorders, and relationships.
Favorite lines: "If I could have any job, I'd be a professional Cinderella." "You know, taking us for ice creams in a blizzard... makes you wonder who the real whack jobs are."
3. Whip It! Rated PG13 (Language, sensuality)
Best things about it: Ellen Page, roller skates, glorious soundtrack, and the fact that (spoiler alert) she doesn't end up with the guy at the end of the movie because that's not the point.
Themes: Mother/daughter relationships, education, beauty, societal expectations, femininity, and honesty.
Favorite lines: "We deserve better villains." "Be your own hero."
4. Mona Lisa Smile Rated PG13 (adult themes, language, sexuality)
Best things about it: All-star cast including Julia Roberts, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles, the beautiful 1950's costuming,
Themes: Marriage, career, education, social class, censorship, art, expectations, teachers, the sexual revolution.
Quotes: "I've heard her called a quitter for leaving and aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image. I'll never forget you."
"When your courses are set and a dreamboat you've met, have a real cigarette! Have a Camel!" I've got my courses, I've got my Camel cigarette. Where the hell is my dreamboat?
"Women need heroes, Katherine."
5. The Magdalene Sisters Rated R (Violence, sexuality, sexual assault, language, frightening adult themes)
Best things about it: Ireland, based on true story (very, very sad true story), the incredible acting.
Themes: Hypocrisy, religion, sexual violence, victim-blaming, unplanned pregnancy, shame and guilt, revenge, freedom, escape, and overcoming oppression.
Favorite lines: "For many years, more years than I care to remember, I have had a secret love. In fact not just one, but dozens. Since I have been thirteen years old I have been in love... with the films."
6. Erin Brockovich Rated R (Language, some sexuality)
Best things about it: Based on a true story, inspiring to the nth degree, funny, and really exciting.
Themes: Fighting injustice, the underdog, social class, single mothers, big business, education, and career.
Favorite lines: "For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me. Please, don't ask me to give it up."
"Are you going to be something else that I have to survive? Because... to tell you the truth... I'm not up to it."
"NOT PERSONAL! That is my WORK, my SWEAT, and MY TIME AWAY FROM MY KIDS! IF THAT IS NOT PERSONAL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!"
7. Waitress Rated PG13 (Sensuality, language)
Best things about it: Keri Russell's feisty southern accent voice-over, Nathan Fillon as a doctor, and all of the different pies they describe throughout the script.
"If I had a penny for everything I love about you, I would have many pennies."
8. The Princess and the Frog Rated G (one slightly scary scene for young children)
Best things about it: Finally, an African-American Disney Princess! Also, great music, the Louisiana Cajun culture, jaw-dropping animation, and a wonderful re-telling of a classic fairytale. Perfect for kids!
Themes: Heroism, sacrifice, family, talent, dreams, hard work, selflessness, true love, and good overcoming evil.
Favorite lines: "I didn't even know frogs had lips. How 'bout a nice firm handshake?"
"'And we talk too.' I like that! You are secretly funny."
Best thing about it: Angelina Jolie. She absolutely makes this movie. Not only is she visually radiant but her vocal quality in this film is just outstanding. Also, love the 1920's backdrop, particularly in costuming.
Themes: Crime, single mothers, kidnapping, career, social class, fighting corruption, mental illness, abuse of women, the justice system, and hope.
Favorite lines: "I used to tell Walter, 'Never start a fight... but always finish it.' I didn't start this fight... but by God, I'm going to finish it."
10. Ella Enchanted Rated PG (Slight language, crude humor)
Best things about it: Fun new take on the fairy tale model, clever jokes, wonderful film for kids and adults, fun covers of classic songs (Queen's "Somebody to Love," and Elton John's "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart," for example).
Themes: Obedience, free will, sacrifice, true love, social equality, leadership, courage, father/daughter relationships, creativity, talent, and loyalty.
Favorite lines: "May I recommend our newest procedure? Bat feces and oxen blood. Battox!"
"I would have left her ages ago, except I love her so damn much. Plus, I have no legs."
"You can curtsy or not; that's your choice. There's nothing I can do about it... except have you beheaded, but that seems a bit extreme."
"Look to yourself, Ella. What's inside you is stronger than any spell."
11. The Hours Rated PG13 (Suicide, language, disturbing images)
Best things about it: Based on a wonderful book, includes three time periods and an exquisite Virginia Woolf, courtesy of Nicole Kidman. Kidman, Streep, and Moore star.
Favorite lines: "You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard."
"That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other."
"The thought of this life, that's what kept me going. I had an idea of our happiness."
"A woman's whole life in a single day. Just one day. And in that day her whole life."
12. Penelope Rated PG (Language, crude humor)
Best things about it: James McAvoy, Penelope's bedroom (the set designer was a genius), drinking beer from under a scarf, and the butler wearing sneakers.
Favorite lines: "I felt the rush of a thousand heartbreaks."
"But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else."
1. Silly Bandz. First of all, whatever "genius" decided that replacing an "s" with a "z" made something more culturally relevant is right up there with baby killers and people that use the deodorant in the store and put it back on the shelf. That's right, you heard me! YOU'RE the reason children don't know how to freaking spell!!!
Secondly, I have to ask, what is the point of the bands being a particular shape if when you wear them, you can't see that shape? Really? Your bracelet is in the shape of Scooby-Doo? It just looks like warped rubber from here. And the whole it's-for-you-and-no-one-else-to-know is ridiculous because the entire point of a fad like Silly Bandz is to display them for others. It's not about sharing your identity or personality with others. No one is hopping on board the Silly Bandz train to say, "I just want everyone to know what a unique individual I am! My collection of rubber bracelets expresses something deeply personal about me that I want to share with the world!" Even for children, who SBs were actually designed for, deserve better. I mean what happened to inherently cool toys like marbles or Beanie Babies or even pogs? Do you guys remember pogs? At least you could see what shape they were!
2. Axe Body Spray. This one really grinds my gears, in the Peter Griffin sense. Imagine reversing the genders in all three of these commercials and these becomes nightmares, not fantasies. Just because women are the aggressors in these commercials doesn't make these ads feminist, it just makes them gross. Not only does it virtually compare women to animals, uncapable of controlling their own desires, it once again places the male in control because these ads are not meant to be frightening but titillating. Thousands of women overwhelming one man isn't bordering on gang rape, it's just going to be one big orgy. Two female TSA employees forcing a man to strip because he smells good degrades women who are actually in these positions by trivializing their actual jobs and authority. Also, the bizarre notion that a cheap disgusting smelling body spray will actually cause women to do illegal and predatory things is not only misleading, but dangerous. Because seriously, if women can do it, why can't men?
3. Kindle and Nook. Those of you who know me on Facebook have already heard my diatribe on the evils of the e-book. Stop destroying the printed page, Amazon! You don't have enough business as it is? Kindles can't be dog-eared, highlighted, have coffee spilled on them, or maintain that great old book smell. Convenience and portability should never trump the experiential and sensory capacity of the physical book! Long live the public library! Here's a site you can go to help support public libraries in America:
4. Tucker Max.Explicit content following: BE WARNED
To call Tucker Max a child, screaming in delight at the discovery of his own genitalia, is offensive to children. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of an introduction to this man and his onslaught on contemporary American literature, read on. Tucker Max is a "famous" former frat-boy/law student turned mediocre best-selling author of two non-fiction books, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and A**holes Finish First.
From the inside jacket of the latter, I produce the following quote: "You get answers to hard questions you've never thought of asking: 'What's it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets?' 'How does it feel to get multiple request to 'f*** for charity?'' 'What does it do to a man to watch a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does?' 'At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job?'" (Max, Published: Gallery, 2010)
Max has spurred on an entire sub-genre of "fratire. Here are a few choice titles: The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks by Karl Marks,A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way and Getting Away With It by Steven B. Green, Men Are Better Than Women by Dick Masterson, The Modern Drunkard by Frank Kelly Rich, The Playbook: Suit up. Score chicks. Be awesome. by Barney Stinson, and You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One woman's painfully funny quest to give it up by Heather McDonald.
Whether it's his flippant delivery of stories about punching fat girls in the vagina (and why he was completely justified in doing so) or his clever way of dismissing issues of consent (can a drunk woman consent to having sex? is it legal to video-tape sexual intercourse without the other person's permission?) and human decency, Tucker Max has continued to meet with success in bookstores and college campuses across the country. More frightening to me? The number of women who think Tucker Max and his exploitation of women is hilarious.
Here's the trailer from the film based on the book:
5. Ke$ha. Ke$ha has no visible (or audible) talent. Also, she looks like smells bad. Far be it from me to disparage such fine lyrical passages as: "I'm talkin' about everybody's getting crunk, boys try to touch my junk, gonna smack 'em if they gettin' too drunk, now, now we going till they kick us out and the police shut us down, po po shut us down" but everything about Ke$ha upsets me. Her songs and music videos glorify risky behaviors including drinking until you black out, getting into cars with strangers, engaging in sexual activity while under the influence of drugs and alcohol (things that prevent someone from legally consenting to sex), challenging authority figures like parents and police, and just generally being a jackass. Her lyrics express contempt for rules, safety, hygiene, health, and respect for others - both physically and emotionally. And yeah, yeah, sure, she's not the first to do these things. But her annoying half-singing/half-speaking routine is SO Rex Harrison, circa 1967. I guess what I'm saying is that even if you put aside the questionable message Ke$ha is spreading like the herpes virus to the under 18 set, you have to admit there are corrupting influences out there that can at least carry a tune and brush their hair.
i Oh, yeah, and way to appropriate another culture for exploitative purposes, Ke$ha.
The following was inspired by Dr. Paul Bouissac's lecture, "Gestures for the Senses: An Evolutionary Perspective on the Multimodality of Gesture" as presented at The Ohio State University.
These
Dangling
Things
Tell me where you are W.h.a.t. you are W.h.y. you are
These
Dang--gLING!!
Thinnnnggggggggggggsssssssszzzzzzzz
Cool my blood Sense my geography Conserve my human
